A Walking Embarrassment
by mangopieCHAN
Summary: Deidara stared exasperatedly at Tobi, did the simpleton think he had to raise his hand every single time just to answer a question? What a moron. ::unYaoi DeiTobi oneshot::


_MangopieCHAN_

_Rated T for Hidan's mouth D:_

_I just love Deidara, don't you? Dei&Tobi belong to Kishimoto, the lucky bunny._

_---_

The blond Stone nin gave his orange masked partner a strange look, taking in that _hideous_ orange mask, his standard Akatsuki cloak and then his sandals.

Tobi _had _to be kidding.

"Uh, Sempai?" Tobi offered, breaking the awkward silence as Deidara gave him another once-over, watching as his partner blinked in disbelief.

"Sempai! Please stop that! You're making me blush!" Tobi protested.

Tobi's voice had a disinct loud quality about it and Deidara's first reaction was to pray, no, beg the heavens that no one had paid attention to what that walking embarrassment dispenser had just said. No such luck.

"_What_?" The blond choked incredulously, his single visible cornflower blue eye widening in pure shock, "You idiot, I wasn't- you-were-thinking-_idiot_." He hissed, hoping the villagers that were now staring open-mouthed at him would just explode to pieces.

A hand-mouth fingered the contents of his clay pouch inside his cloak, it was oh-so-very tempting given the current situation.

But instead, Deidara forced himself to focus on the fantasy brewing in his mind, which currently consisted of bits and pieces of meat that were formerly Tobi raining down from the sky.

Seething, the blond yanked Tobi away from the main road, cursing under his breath. "What-the-_hell_, Tobi, do you _want_ to draw attention? And _what_ exactly were you thinking?"

Tobi seemed to be lost in contemplation for a moment and then raised his hand in the air.

Deidara stared. What was that imbecile doing now? "What?" he asked, exasperated by Tobi's continued solemness.

Tobi raised his hand higher and waved it about, as if trying to get the blond's attention.

"You know what, Tobi, I don't even think I want to know what you were thinking!" Deidara turned around dismissively, after another long cold stare. _Tobi_ just didn't get it and _Tobi_ was getting on his nerves, even way more than usual that day.

Did that simpleton honestly believe that he had to raise his hand just to answer the question? Was it all too much to ask? It wasn't even a _real_ question, it was a rhetorical-

"Oh!" Behind him, Tobi sounded like he had a surprised expression behind his mask, "Sempai! I got my sandals on the wrong feet! So _that_ was what you were looking at, I thought- Hey, wait up, Sempai!"

He heard footsteps patter the ground and then a "Whoa!", and to top it all off was a skidding and a hard _thump_.

Sighing audibly, his wrath subsided, Deidara faced his partner and for the fifth time that morning, genuinely wondered about Tobi's intelligence, or lack thereof. It was a miracle in itself that Tobi hadn't tripped himself to death.

"Hey, Tobi?" The blond fell into step beside his partner, the sympathy tugging inside his stomach had won, "Let's get going."

"So, you _do_ care about me!" It was almost as if an explosion of rainbows and sparkles had emanated from Tobi at that second, and Deidara immediately regretted being nice.

The blond gagged and made a mental note to pat Tobi on the back very, _very_ gently, soon as they were out of sight of the village, as he flashed a charming grin to one of the kunoichi they passed, who stood bewildered, mouth slightly ajar at Tobi, who was at that point, babbling something about "me and Sempai finally being friends!"

How very _appealing_ they must have looked at that moment.

Deidara gave Tobi a little shove, stilling smiling at the crowd as if to say "Why yes, I _do_ get paid to take care of him," all the while mentally assuring himself that by the time he was done with Tobi, he would need surgery. Lots of surgery.

Every second Tobi continued to spew more nonsense, a huge chunk of the blond's dignity dissipated into the surrounding air. Little by little, Deidara's patience was waning, and little by little, he gripped the clay pouch tighter.

---

"Shut the hell up, moron!" the blond yelled, cantankerous, as soon as the village disappeared in the distance. Tobi fell silent at once, probably shocked by his partner's outburst.

Muttering a string of insults, Deidara swung upon a huge clay bird, deliberately swooping just out of Tobi's reach with a "Tobi! Why on earth walk on the ground for the next six hours we have left when you can ride ClayAir, yeah?"

He laughed as Tobi succeeded in only grazing the tip of the bird's wing and soared even higher, his chuckles echoing around the canyons.

Tobi made a few more feeble attempts to get on and then when he realized it was pointless, the masked nin just struggled to keep up with the bird's speed wordlessly without complaint.

Tobi didn't understand his sempai a lot. And whatever Tobi did, his sempai would get angry and often, embarrassed. Tobi had never meant to do that to him. All Tobi wanted was to be get his sempai's respect.

But whatever Tobi did, whatever jokes Tobi made, whatever stories Tobi spun, all his sempai did was shake his head or burst into a violent bout, red blooming across his countenance.

As time wore on, Tobi began to feel lightheaded. The sun seemed to be glaring at him one moment and then dulling in the distance in the next. With much effort, Tobi pushed on. His sempai would not like it at all if Tobi slowed down the journey.

Tobi had never been taken seriously, not by Zetsu-san, and definitely not by Deidara-sempai. At times, Tobi wondered if there was something wrong with him. What if, what if Tobi wasn't Tobi enough?

Tobi smacked his head, what was he thinking? Of course Tobi was Tobi enough! Tobi _was_ Tobi, and it was as simple as that, no questions asked. But as Tobi continued on his journey, panting in the torrid conditions of the desert, doubts began to worm themselves into his unsuspecting mind.

Nagging qualms rose into his consciousness and Tobi had to fight them off just to keep his sanity, for if he started to actually put some thought into them, he would never get through the trip. For if Tobi wasn't Tobi, then who was?

Tobi was about to pose this question to Sempai when he stopped, remembering the last thing the blond had screamed at him, _"Shut the hell up, moron!"_

Oh no, Tobi was too smart for that, he could easily avoid Deidara-sempai when he was in one of those moods. Once, he had asked Hidan what it was all about.

---

"_Good evening, Hidan-san!" Tobi twittered happily, it was always good to see another of the Akasuki. _

_Hidan grunted something that Tobi didn't quite catch, leaning against his large, sharp weapon. But Tobi wasn't frightened by it. Tobi had bravely talked to Hidan._

"_Pardon Tobi, Hidan-san, but what did you say just now?" He was really making an effort to be extra polite. Tobi even beamed, trying to radiate as much of the happiness he felt at the silver-haired man standing before him, but stopped when he remembered he had a mask on._

_Hidan's eyes glittered dangerously in the light, "Are you trying to provoke me, you little-" He stopped himself and muttered something incoherent, turning away._

"_I never meant to offend you, Hidan-san, I just have a question!" Tobi tried to lighten the mood, which was sinking faster than the Titanic. Plopping down beside Hidan, Tobi nodded his head energetically._

"_What the hell? Do you have a muscle spasm or something, Tobi?" Hidan stared, aghast, as Tobi's head bobbed up and down, up and down. It was strangely hypnotizing- and yet, nauseating._

"_Hey, Hidan-san," said Tobi, completely oblivious to Hidan's growing fidgets, "I have this- no-my _friend_ is always grumpy, and well, no one else I know can get as grumpy as this _friend_. Why is that, Hidan-san?"_

_Tobi was very proud of keeping Deidara-sempai's name discreet. After all, Deidara _hated_ when Tobi tried to talk about him to the other Akatsuki._

_Hidan kept Tobi trained with a steely gaze, "I do not deal with your fucking little feminine issues, Tobi," he said menacingly, stroking the scythe, "And if it's that time of month, I don't want to fucking know about it."_

_Tobi faltered, and then realization struck him, just like one of Sempai's clay bombs, "Oh no, Hidan-san, Deidara-sempai is not_feminine_!"_

_Hidan stared, unblinking. What the hell did Tobi just sputter? _

_Tobi shook his head from side to side profusely, "Oops. I meant, my _friend_ is not a girl!" Tobi expertly covered his mistake. Hidan would never know, it was very clever of Tobi to think on his feet like that._

_Tobi patted Hidan and got up to go, "Bye and thanks for your help, Hidan-san!" He called over his shoulder, Deidara-sempai would be so happy to know that Tobi had solved his mood problems!_

_An hour later, Tobi found Deidara-sempai crouched in a corner of their hideout, his face devoid of any color. "Sempai?" Tobi asked._

"_T-tobi... Tobi, Hidan and Kakuzu think that it's that time of month for me," Deidara-sempai stared into nothing as Tobi waved a gloved hand in front of his sempai's vision. No reaction._

_Maybe Hidan wasn't as easily fooled as Tobi had expected._

_The blond Stone nin started shouting, "They think I'm a freaking girl, Tobi! And guessed who they claimed told them so?" Deidara-sempai was fuming now, shaking a clenched fist._

"_They said," The blond's voice took on a dark feel, "They said that a little nin named _Tobi_ said that I was having problems."_

_Tobi twitched._

---

Reminiscing, Tobi twitched again.

---

Looking down lazily, the blond missing-nin could tell that the fool running below him was weakening. Soon, Tobi would beg for forgiveness and be allowed to sit in the clay bird's beak.

Deidara squinted, did Tobi just- did Tobi just slap himself in the face? Maybe he had overestimated his partner and Tobi had already succumbed to desert fever. You don't just start hitting yourself for no reason.

Tobi seemed to be in a drunken daze as he stepped gingerly along, bobbing his head enthusiastically to no one. It was getting weird, but the blond snickered and continued watching from the safety of the air, always making sure the bird's cool shadow was centimeters away from Tobi's head.

Then, Tobi sat down and started twitching.

"Fun's over so soon, yeah?" Deidara pouted and guided the large bird so Tobi was gently scooped into its beak.

Tobi's visible eye widened in surprise, "S-sempai?" He murmured, "Is this a mirage?"

Deidara's expression was resolute as he said, "No, Tobi, you can rest now. I think you deserve it."

"Hey, sempai?" Tobi asked, after swinging his legs and watching the hard, dry earth below skid by for quite a while, "I think I understand why you got so angry in the village."

Deidara stared. Had the moron actually grown a brain? Maybe Tobi had absorbed a few IQ points from himself. Whatever it was, Deidara would sit back and relax.

Tobi continued, in a slightly embarrassed tone, "I promise I'll never provoke you during this time of month again, Sempai." Tobi turned to look at an staring Deidara solemnly.

First off, Deidara found himself amazed. It seemed every single time he thought well of his partner, Tobi had, one way or the other, proved him tremendously wrong. Then,the Stone nin remembered what Zetsu had taught him.

That dear, dear plant-man who so unwittingly razed Deidara's peace to ashes. What was that again? Mentally, Deidara heard a whoosh as his blood pressure continued to skyrocket. Count to ten, wasn't it? And then back down to zero. Easy enough.

But hardly as satisfying as what he did next. A wicked smile fleeted across the blond's face as he formed a seal and the bird lurched forward treacherously.

And it was fun to hear Tobi scream, clawing the air frantically. "I'm sorry, Tobi, we seem to be experiencing some sort of turbulence, yeah."

---

_mangopieCHAN's rant_

_Don't forget to review! Reviews make the world go round :D Seriously, I love you guys.  
_


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